Monday, May 18, 2015

Please Don't Regret My Children's Gender



“I bet you’re getting a lot of comments about hoping that it’s a girl, huh?”
I nodded.
“I’m so sorry.  I get it.”
I wanted to hug her right then and there as the tears filled my eyes.  She did get it.  The woman at church who always checks in with how I’m doing as my belly grows and, God willing, we get to meet this little person growing within me.  She understood how much it cuts this mother’s heart to hear everyone’s preferences for the gender of this baby.  She’d lost a baby before, too
You're welcome to come read the rest as I share a very vulnerable piece of my heart today at Elizabeth Ministry.  This was a tough one to write and there's a lot of people who don't understand.  I hope you do :)



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10 comments:

  1. Your words are written so beautifully! I know a lot of people were surprised when we found out our new baby was a boy. I had comments like, "Oh you poor thing...another boy" or "how strange to have three boys in a row, I know you wanted a girl". My husband and I really were just overjoyed with having another precious child, it did not matter to us whether the baby was a boy or girl. Our girls were hoping for another sister, but they have come to be very excited about their new brother! Talking about how much God loves each of us and only He can decide whether we are male or female, has really helped them to love having a brother even more. Those comments are hurtful, whether you have both genders in your family or not. Like you said, I never want my children to think we would have been more happy or have loved them more if they had been the opposite gender. Praying for you and that precious baby! I'm so excited for you and can't wait to see pictures and hear his or her name!

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    1. Thank you Kari! Those comments are so hard to hear, aren't they? Mostly because it's in front of the other children. I love your perspective and it's nice to know that it's shared by people who have both genders!

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  2. A really beautiful post, Mary. Wow, I was so sad to hear of the heartache this causes you and others. I am so sorry that people say such rude nonsense. I get very tired of hearing "oh you have three boys and three girls! Perfect! You must be done." It must satisfy people's need for order that God has given us an even number... Or something like that. I get tired of silly comments from people but you are right, the worst is when they are standing right there. One man told me we had too many children as my youngest is in the sling and my oldest is holding our toddler right next to me, and all the others are in tow. I looked at him disgusted and said "well someone will have to pay your Social Security when you're old. And alone." Snarky, yes. But I didn't care and if I could go back I probably would have been more charitable. But our little ones truly have to build up a thick skin. I remind them daily how blessed we are to have each other. And they know it. FWIW, my brother-in-law is one of 12: 9 boys and 3 girls. My son always says how cool it would be to have that many brothers:) God bless you, Mary.

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  3. Thank you for this beautiful post. As a mama of 4 girls here on earth, one in heaven, and a baby on the way I can relate to so much of what you have written here. My heart's desire is for a culture of life in which every child is embraced as the perfect, undeserved gift that they are. Thank you.
    Stephanie

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    1. Thank you, Stephanie! I'm so glad you liked it!

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  4. I just found your blog and I'm glad I did. This post really blessed me. Thank you.

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    1. I'm so glad, Hope. Welcome and thank you for the comment :)

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  5. My quite estranged auntie: i hope it's a girl this time! Really! It would be so nice for you! A sweet little girl with pigtails like when you were little! And a girl is good because then she will take care of you when you're old!
    O_o
    I told we don't count the kids and don't any preferences about His decisions...

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  6. I've never lost a baby (hope to God I never will), but I am still alarmed at the idea that someone can have a preference, honestly.

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