Friday, May 20, 2011

First Trimester Burnout

I am shamefacedly returning to the keyboard trying to muster the energy to write a real post.  I'm tired. These last few weeks have drained me in every way.  I did my best to make Holy Week meaningful and real for the family and tried to do the same with Easter.  Four days after Easter we left for a 10 day 'vacation' where we spent a day in Washington D.C., Williamsburg, and then a week in the Outer Banks with my family.  While a vacation during your first trimester at first sounds heavenly, and there are many aspects that were wonderful, coming home I have been suffering complete burnout.  Mother's Day, a benefit for a close friend, a sick, non-sleeping toddler, and three family birthdays later, I am completely and utterly exhausted.  And now we are supposed to be starting our yard and garden work and I lack any motivation or energy to do so.  But it's been raining anyway. For days and days and days.  Our yard is filled with water and the weather has battered my already bruised and exhausted soul.

How's that for positive?  I'm whining, I know.  I shouldn't be but I feel like I have to give some explanation why I have not been myself and have neglected my newly born blog so early in its infancy.  That's not the mother in me, but I guess I am to be busying myself with mothering this new little one.  I have never felt so crazy hormonal as I have this pregnancy.  I don't feel like myself and I hate it.  It's lonely and scary.  My husband has been wonderful picking up the ever increasing slack I seem to be leaving.  I get so stuck and then I start feeling like this is my life from now on, though I know (and hope!) that in a few weeks this will be just a memory...God willing! I pray that the Lord will take this exhausted broken shell that is me and make me whole again.  May it all be for our good and may He grant me the grace I so desperately need to use this struggle for grace.



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