Monday, October 20, 2014

Lord, Why Did I Do This?

"Why did I do this?"
She sounded so tired, so exasperated, a hint of fear in her voice as she worked her way through the contraction.  I was there supporting her as her doula as she worked to birth her second child.  It was clear she was now remembering that there was no way out but through and she knew from her last birth what through meant.  She was scared and she was doubting herself.
I hear those words or words like it at almost every birth.  “I can’t do this.”  You see that spark of fear in their eyes as they near transition and they realize what is being asked of them.  A complete gift of her body, her self, the surrendering of her hopes, her fears, her very body to the work of life.  There are no guarantees, no easy way out....
I was honored to be asked to be a monthly contributor to their blog and I (because I have no other things going on????) said yes.  Please hop on over and follow their ministry and also take the time to follow them on Facebook!  They do beautiful work.

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Sunday, October 19, 2014

Sometimes God Delivers Pizza

Ahhhh, thank you!!  Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for your support and excitement over our news.  It means so much.  So so much.   And thank you, too, for sharing your prayer requests with me.  Y'all are on my list.

Not gonna lie, I wasn't in a great place emotionally or any -ly really when I held that positive test in my hand.  It's taken a long while to sink in that we're really doing this again and that there really is a little human being growing inside me.  Another human being.  One that will change our lives and take all of my strength to bring into and up in this world.   Not that we didn't know this could happen or that it was "unplanned" (whatever that means).  I'm not sure why but the shock of it all seems to hit me more with each pregnancy. Maybe because you know what's involved now and the immensity of that gift and the sacrifice.  It blows my mind and it brings me to my knees.

So thank you so much for being happy for us.  It helps so much.  I need the support this time.  Brian has been holding in his thrilledness out of deference to my overwhelmedness but God has been sending me little gifts to remind me to just shush already.  It's all going to be okay.

Like the other day when He delivered pizza.  Well, He didn't, but it was sort of almost definitely in my mind like He did.

I had spent most of the afternoon sick on the couch.  The depths of my energy reserves had been used that morning to do some lessons, clean a bathroom that had been neglected for weeks, and make a batch of ice cream.  (The cream would've soured, guys.  It was necessity.)  But the rest of the afternoon found me barely able to move on the couch, eyes glazing over as I clicked back and forth from my Facebook feed to Pinterest just to distract myself from the sickness, and drinking magnesium water.  (Sidenote:  Natural Calm has been amazing in stopping the torture that are restless legs.)  Then someone on Facebook mentioned pizza.

Oh, that sounds good, I thought.  So, so good.  I would love some pizza.  Ah, pizza.  Okay, time to stop thinking about pizza.  There is no pizza.
(Sidenote:  You can pretty much mention any junk food right now and I will instantly want it with the fire of a thousand suns despite the gag reflex it simultaneously induces.  It's complicated.)

I managed to forget about the idyllic pizza and thought instead about the can't-think-too-much-about-them-or-I'll-gag leftovers in the fridge that I could probably scrap together for dinner.  Must muster energy to get up and heat them.

Then she called.

She called out of the blue about an hour after that dreamy pizza thought and she said, "Hey, I'm going to be around and I'd really like to pick up a pizza for you guys for dinner.  I'll drop it off around 5.  Is that okay?"

I almost said no.  For real.
Because I always say no to help even when I really really want to say yes.

But this time it was like God was offering it right to me through this amazing friend.  A little gift that sounds silly but oh, it was so not.  It struck me in that millisecond of decision then that it was ridiculous to say no because clearly GOD Himself was telling me to have pizza.  Or something.  So I did the next logical thing and burst into tears right over that phone.  And because she's a good friend she wasn't even a little bit freaked out.  I think I mumbled a "yes, that would be so so awesome, thank you so much" in the midst of my blubbering.   

A couple of hours later my friend dropped off the most delicious (and huge!) pizza of my life.  Brian said she was smiling the whole time when she dropped it off because she was so excited that she could do something to help.  I've never had someone just randomly bring dinner to my house like that.  Ever.  It was amazing.  She is amazing.  She was so truly happy to bring it and said that God had placed me on her heart that day and so she called.  Just like that.  She's one of those people who knows how to listen even when it means being God is telling her to deliver pizza.  And I'm learning how to listen and open my mouth and let God shove that delicious pizza in.  I guess this time it was the only way He could shush me again and tell me it's going to be okay.  


There's even leftovers so I can heed that delicious reminder again.  

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Thursday, October 16, 2014

A Tiny Grape-Sized Addendum

On the feast of Saint Gerard, the patron of expectant mothers and happy childbirth, I thought I should probably let you know that yesterday's post was missing a very important someone :)

Eden Baby 6.0

(Photo currently unavailable so this stand-in will have to do.)

-is about the size of a grape.
-has made us thrilled, humbled, excited, hormonal, blessed, nauseated, exhausted, grateful, and maybe just liiiittle bit overwhelmed.
-is expected to make his or her appearance sometime mid-May.
-was predicted by big brother David a few weeks before he even knew!  (How crazy/creepy is that?!)
-has already been making his or her presence very well known.  (It's been a rough few weeks, y'all.)
-is already exactly who God wants him or her to be so no, we are still not hoping for a girl. :)
-is already very very loved.

I would absolutely love your prayers and if you have any intentions I can use some of this sickness for, I would love to know them!  (It would actually help a lot so please don't be shy!)

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Wednesday, October 15, 2014

This Month in Boys - October 2014

John Paul

-has been so helpful and considerate lately.  I really really like seeing this kid grow up.
-will read anything.  Even the coupons that come in the mail engross him.  (See above.)
-has been leading his brothers in building a castle out of the concrete and debris pile in the next door lot.
-has a blossoming love for football.
-joins his new friends for lunch at the learning center every week.  It makes my heart so happy to see him developing friendships with some really great kids.
-has been becoming interested in origami.  I was surprised when I came home late the other night to a beautiful lotus flower he spent an hour making.
-says that "airplanes and gliders" are his favorite thing to learn about.


-admitted out of the blue, "Sometimes I don't let all my strength show.  I sometimes hide it."
I think that might just be the best way to put it, sweet boy.
-has been answering the questions that Father poses during the Mass before their weekly learning center classes with so much enthusiasm.  Father calls them up to answer and Michael's face just beams.
-surprised be with, "Mama?  I think I'm going to fast a lot and pray every day so that I can be like a saint."  Go for it, kiddo.
-if he could turn into any animal would choose to be a golden eagle.  "NOT a bald."
-went to work with Papa today and was all smiles at breakfast.  His most fervent goal for the day is to get a ham sub for lunch.
-says reading is his favorite thing to learn about.


-ever the family planning guru, suggested that "we need to move to a new house so then we will have a baby.  You'll get one in your womb.  Actually, I think there is one there now.  One might be JUST MADE."
-loves his preschool class at the learning center.  Any exciting thing that happens he asks if he can tell his teacher and he feels so very big walking down the hallway to his classroom by himself.
-has a recently developed nail biting thing going on.
-was overheard discussing plans in bed with Michael for a new boys' group they're going to create.  "We'll have yellow shirts that we have to wear.  And at the meeting first we'll pray a Rosary then do a craft.  The first week we can make rosaries.  The next week we'll make paper flowers that we can give to the Little Flowers (the girls' group)."  Heart melter.
-declared, "I really want to be a cheetah dragon because then I can breathe fire and protect people and people can ride on me."
-says "the world.  Like what there is and what state and what animals and stuff" is his favorite thing to learn about.  "I am learning some about the world in my science.  There's fish in the arctic.  And whales.  I think."


-has begun using "hey" whenever he wants my attention.  "Hey Mama, hey Mama, hey Mama.  May I have some water?"
-can sport the cutest scowl face you've ever seen.
-warned Brian several times one morning, "Be careful, Papa, fall is coming."
"Luke, do you know what fall is?"
"Fall.  The things.  They will fall on top of our van."
I would love to know what fall actually looks like in his head.
-sleeps consistently through the night and has been for a few months.  He gets up around 6 but I will take that anyway for a full night's sleep.
-BUT has been fighting naps hardcore.  He can get out of his crib sooo quietly.  Several times recently he has decided to change into pajamas while supposedly napping.  I didn't even know he could pull that off himself.
-entertains us constantly.  Lately he's been putting on random goofy dancing shows just to make us laugh.
-would probably currently choose the ever-favorite Richard Scarry book Cars and Trucks and Things that Go and where Goldbug is on every page as his favorite thing to learn about.  Quite scholarly ;)

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